the pasts that i don't want to but everyone should know.

thinking about the past,,,which i don't want to recall again cuz when i think about it, i feel embarrassed and very bad. im can't believe how bad i was and hypocrite long time ago regarding that thing. i never tell these to anybody. why? HAHA. cuz it will show how bad i am actually. and i even tried not to admit it and is very regret for did those things. yeah, i don't wanna do it again but thats juz subjective,,,but it still me. how to say huh? hmm,,actually i never told this to somebody except my friend, helmi. cuz it's regarding my inner attitude. if everyone knows they will disrespect me. but no matter how i have to admit it,, yeah, that's me.

now i feel embarrassed i did these things LOL;

1. when i was in form 1, i gave sms to the girl i liked very much (my first love). three times but she never replied, only once (one sms only) and then she never replied anymore. itupun cuz i wished her selamat hari raya, and she replied the same. even, i denied an offer from a friend who offered me to help me to enter religious school becuz of her. LOL

2. when i was in form 3, i liked another girl. but a year after that i received an offer to further my study in boarding school. but before i transfer there, i sent her a letter. she never replied too. LOL.

3. when i was in boarding school, during my senior year, i volunteered myself to help in an event held in my school. but the event which was en.hassan's son's marriage so a lot of outsiders came. and i was attracted to a girl. i approached her asking for her number. she didn't give. i felt embarrassed but i didn't give up. i told one of my junior to ask for her number again. this time she gave, but gave the wrong number. LOL

4. still in boarding school during my senior year, we (my batch) had an event with all girl school which located near to my school. it was history workshop for spm. i was paired with a girl from ssp on the first day. second day, she asked to change pair, so i was a little bit sad cuz i already had attracted to her. but i gave her my email in hoped that she find me, but never. LOL.

5. (will update it later maybe on another post) *but i'm not promise.

and maybe everyone should knows about this. so they know the real me. yes you might say they were the past, but still those events describe my hidden character. HAHAHA. but funny how i fought for some girls but failed and i still repeat it. maybe i should learn from it. enough fighting for the girl you like. but even if i'm fighting for them, i will tell myself that she's my future wife. hahaha. *not for fun keyh*

maybe,, yes maybe, i should use new principle, i won't fight for girl anymore, if any girl likes me, let she fights for me. like prophet muhammad saw and sayiditina siti khadijah ra, where siti khadijah proposed rasulullah saw first but their marriage last forever. so sweet ;) easy said, let just follow His flow. and i have to restrain myself from attracted to any girl (like usual but harder) cuz i don't want to repeat the same mistake. inshaallah there won't be the sixth story. hihihihihi

if you wanna be my wife, fight for me. and if allah put a feeling into me on you, inshaallah i'll fight for you too. :) hihihihihihi. but if they know these stories of coz no one wanna fight for me plus they will hate me. LOL. sokay,, if that so, so no need to get married lah, hahaha. *but i'm serious, see my face----> :l

"ya allah,,,please i beg You, don't put any feeling on me yet. stop it!! please i beg You so badly about this, please. amin"